


Innocence

by SongsofPsyche



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chains, Gen, Insanity, Unexpected Visitors, prisoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Lupin visits Sirius in Azkaban 3 months after he is convicted,  trying to convince himself that black is innocent, but its hard to do so when the dementors are meddling with his thoughts and and nothing Black says makes any sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Remus Lupin pushed his hair out of his face and fought off sea sickness as the black rock loomed ominously into view. Azkaban. The Wizard Prison. Lupin still didn't know what convinced him to do this. He still didn't know what gave him the courage to say yes when Dumbledore asked him to come here. Was it curiosity? To see if he really did it? Or was it that tiny glimmer of hope he still had buried deep down in his chest that his best friend was innocent.  Or was it to convince himself that Sirius really was the murderer that everyone thought he was? That Sirius really did betray James and Lily, and killed all those people. because a small part of Lupin still wouldn't believe that it had been Sirius who had done it.  Lupin still remembered the last time he had seen Sirius, just three days before Voldemort had murdered James. Sirius had been worried—of course, they all had been—but he had managed to keep up his good spirits. They had sat on his roof and talked deep into the night, about everything; what they were going to do when Voldement was defeated, what to get Harry for his birthday, how to convince James to make Lupin co-godfather, tricks to play on Snape when he wasn't looked and reminiscing about their earlier years at Hogwarts. It had just seemed so normal. Lupin really had no idea that Sirius was about to double cross them.  
  
Lupin was jolted out of his memories when he felt the boat hit the dark black rocks of the prison. slowly, he filed out with the other visitors, shuddering as he felt the cold wave of dread that the dementors radiated as he walked past them.  He followed the tired look witch in front of him as he checked his wand in with the sullen wizard at the front desk, and then he took a seat in the cold drafty waiting room.  The guards at Azkaban weren't keen on visitors. Dumbledore had granted him this special visiting right for this month, usually it was Dumbledore who visited Black but something had come up. Lupin had a sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore had booked tea with the minister purposefully so Lupin could see his old friend again, but he never voiced his opinion out loud. Infact, Lupin had very mixed feelings about seeing Sirius. A good part of him wanted to turn around, jump back on the boat and never come back to this dark place, but another part of him—the part of him that wanted to believe that Sirius was innocent—wanted to see if there was even an ounce left of the boy he had met at Hogwarts all those years ago, and to make sure that he was doing okay.  
  
Lupin fiddled with a stray piece of string on his brown sweater and tried to think of what he was going to say when he finally saw Sirius. His mind kept drawing a blank. Should he be blunt and to the point? Should he wait for Sirius to speak to him first? Should he ask how he was doing? He just didn't know.   
  
“Remus Lupin to see Sirius Black.” a voice announced, making Lupin jump. He immediately stood up and quietly followed the battered prison guard down the hallway. They arrived at a solid, dark wood door, and Lupin shivered as he saw not one, but two dementors floating on either side of it.  
  
“You have 30 minutes. I’ll knock when it’s time.” the guard said shortly, and then he took his keys and opened up the door.  
  
Lupin nodded and walked through, wincing when he heard the door shut firmly behind him. The room was dimly lit by several candles attached to the wall and on the table. Lupin didn't see any windows. He turned his attention to the man at the table, and was taken aback by how just three months had change him so much. Sirius was sitting in a chair, and his hands were chained on top of the table with thick, black manacles. The dark grey prison robes he wore billowed against his thin frame, and his face was sunken in dark shadows. Brown eyes stared hollowly through dark, wavy hair as the man previously known to him  as Padfoot stared up at him with a blank look in his eyes.   
  
“Sirius?” Lupin asked quietly, looking at his friend. Sirius looked at him, and then he started laughing; an unhinged sound that pierced the walls of the tiny room like sharp daggers.  
  
“Is that really you, Remus? Come to gawk at the prisoner of Azkaban?” he asked in a bewildered, half mad voice. He raised his manacled wrists and pulled at them, making the chains clink together.  
  
  
“I don’t know why I’m here.” Lupin stated quietly.  
  
Sirius said nothing, just continued to laugh at Lupin, as if he couldn't actually believe that he was here right now.  
  
  
  
But it was the eyes that did it for Lupin, the dark brown eyes that had once been filled with warmth and life were now cold and empty. That blank look in Black’s eyes that—-a look that said that he didn't care about anything, that arrogant blank stare that meant that Lupin’s friend Sirius was truly gone that did it. Lupin felt a rage build up in him that he couldn't control. Lupin looked at Black…this husk of a man sitting in front of him and he realized that Black was everything that they had said he was; a traitor who had sold his soul to the enemy, who had betrayed James and lily, who was not his friend anymore.How could Black just sit there, with that blank look on his face? Did he not care about what he did? Did he truly not care that he betrayed his best friend, killed all those people? And suddenly this monstrous, angry rage was upon him with lighting speed. Lupin fumed, and then slammed his hand down on the table, making Black jump back in his seat.  
  
“How dare you. How dare you!! I cannot even look at you right now. What the hell happened to you, Sirius? I thought you were my friend, I thought I trusted you with my life! Did all those years of friendship at Hogwarts mean nothing to you? Was it all a lie? Were you working for him all that time? I can’t believe I trusted you. I cant believe I actually called you my friend. How dare you. You…you killed Lily and James. You left Harry without any parents. I—-I—just——.”   
  
Words could not convey how angry he felt, no words could describe the intense rage he was feeling at this very moment. He stood up and angrily knocked over one of the candle sticks. The clanging and clattering as the candles fell to the ground satisfied his rage just slightly, and  Lupin realized his whole body was shaking.  
  
“You killed them. You killed them.”  
  
Sirius had let him ramble on, let him scream and yell at him for those 15 minutes without saying a word, his smile slowly fading away. Now that Lupin had paused to take a breath, he saw that Black was looking up at him, a dim glitter of  new awareness in his eyes.  
  
“I don’t deny that I did, but you have to listen to me. I am innocent.” he said, so softly that Lupin could have imagined it.  
  
“No. No. No. No. There were witnesses that saw what you did. Innocent people died because of you—.”  
  
“No. Wait…you must believe me. Peter—-t.” Black interrupted, his voice a thin whisper.  
  
“And why should I believe you?”  
  
“Remus, he is…was my best friend. Why would I betray him?”  
  
“Because you were working for HIM all along! Because you were a snitch. we trusted you! We all trusted you! Dumbledore—James—-Lily—-Peter. We trusted you and you LIED!” Lupin said, feeling his voice and temper rising again. Sirius visibly flinched, then he stood up out of his chair and lunged for Lupin. He made a quick  grab for Lupin’s hand, his movements jerky and angular, and Lupin pulled it away from his touch, flinching backwards so hard his chair almost tipped.   
  
‘Don’t touch me. Don't you dare touch me. Ever.” Lupin heard his voice snarl.  
  
“You’re not listening. Listen to me! God damn it!!”, Black suddenly shouted.  He slammed his fists against the table in frustration. Standing up to full height he loomed menacingly in the dark room, the manacles clinked in the heavy silence as he pulled against them, trying to get closer to him.  Lupin back away, was Black going to strangle him? Was he really the mad man everyone thought him to be? It certainly looked like it. The doors banged open, and two guards came in pointing their wands at Black.  
  
“This visit is over. You, sit.” he commanded to the prisoner.  
  
The guard turned to Lupin, “Did he hurt you?”  
  
Black continued to stand, panting heavily and staring at Lupin, a brittle sense of urgency radiating through him as he continued to struggled against the chains that held him to the desk. He ignored the guards as they approached him, still staring intently at Lupin.  
  
“I’ve got to ex—-.”  Black started but then there was a loud bang as ropes came shooting out of the guards wand, wrapping themselves tightly around Black’s torso, legs and mouth. Black fell against the table, shouting and struggling against the gag.  
  
Lupin backed away from the estranged man he once thought was his friend and  shook his head. Whatever glimmer of humanity Lupin had thought Black had possessed was gone. Lupin allowed the second guard to escort him out, the muffled shoutings of Black berating his ears the whole way. Lupin’s whole body was shaking, had Black tried to kill him? If it hadn't been for the restraints, would he be dead right now? Yes. Yes, he would have done it. He had killed before, hadn't he?  The friend Lupin had come to know and love was gone forever.  
  
They were right, Lupin had been wrong; Sirius was the madman everyone thought he was and Padfoot was gone for good.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin finally learns the truth.

For Lupin, the next 13 years passed by incredibly fast but, at the same time, mind numbingly slow. He drifted from job to job, keeping his secret hidden until someone found out and then moving on to the next one. His mind often drifted to Black, locked up in Azkaban with chains on his wrists and hate in his heart. Most of the time he felt no pity, but sometimes late in the night, Black’s words you're not listening haunted his dreams. What if he had listened? What would Black have said if the guards hadn't bound him tight?

Lupin did return to Azkaban, just one year before Black escaped from the prison.

“Last time you said I wasn't listening. Well, here I am now.” Lupin had said staring at Black. The prisoner had just glared right back at him, his eyes narrowing with anger, and his jaw clenched against the metal muzzle strapped on his face.

“You had your chance. Now get out. Let me rot in peace” he had muttered bitterly through clenched teeth, the muzzle only muffling his speech slightly. He had refused to say another word, and Lupin had left the island, feeling confused and slightly guilty. If Sirius had been innocent, had Azkaban addled with his mind so much that he thought he truly was guilty? Lupin didn't know. All he knew was that his best friend was still gone, and that he was very much alone.

The next time Lupin saw Black, he was in the shrieking shack huddled on the floor with a cat on his chest and a wand pointed at his face. Broken chains dangled from his wrists and ankles, clinking in the moonlight. He looked up wildly at Lupin through the rusty metal muzzle that still clung to his face.

“Expelliamus!” Lupin croaked, and Harry’s wand flew from his hand and landed Lupin caught it. He pointed both of them at Black and with a mutter made the dangling chains attached to blacks wrists and ankles bind themselves to the floor, securing his position in that corner of the room. Lupin was still hesitant, still unsure that his friend—his Padfoot,—was still buried in there under that mask of rust and metal. He had seen Peter’s name on the map, but he was still unsure, he still didn't trust Black after all these years. Black gave a yell of surprise and struggled against the chains, Harry jumped back behind Lupin trembling with fear and rage.

 

"Where is he, Sirius?” Lupin asked, trying with all his might to keep his voice from shaking.

Sirius did not speak, the chains clinked in the silence. His eyes met Remus’s and he held the gaze as he lifted a manacled hand and pointed at Ron.

"But then --" Remus began, "-- why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless --"

Then all pieces fall into place. If Peter was alive, and in hiding, it could mean only one thing. Sirius had not done it. He had not done the crime he was in prisoned for. He had switched being secret keeper with Peter without telling anybody. That ment that—-Lupin’s eyes widened, he walked up and knelt in front of Sirius, keeping their eyes locked. Sirius didn’t flinch, he sat there frozen, staring back at him with a desperate, intense gaze..

"-- Unless he was the one -- unless you switched -- without telling me?"

Sirius nodded, eyes bright with tentative hope.

Sirius was innocent. It had been Peter all along. That was what Sirius had so desperately tried to tell him all those years ago. Why hadn't he listened to his friend? His dear, dear innocent friend. He looked Sirius up and down; the muzzle, the chains, the grey ratted robes that billowed over his skeletal figure, his pale ashen face contorted darkly against the black bars of the muzzle and suddenly Lupin felt like crying. Sirius— his Padfoot- never deserved any of this. 

Lupin stood up, backing away from Sirius. then in one swift motioned he lifted his wand, muttered a few choice words and watched as the chains and muzzle unlocked themselves then fell to the floor with a clang that made Sirius jump. 

Without speaking a word, he bent down and took Sirius’s thin hand in his own, then pulled him up into a warm embrace.

"Sirius! I am so sorry. Oh Sirius. --" he whispered, arms tight around his, shockingly-thin body.  
Sirius was still silent, but he patted Lupin shoulder with his hand, then pulled out of the embrace to look Lupin in the eye.

“I tried to tell you.” he whispered in a thin whisper.

“ I know. I should have listened to you. I never gave you a chance though, did I? I’m so sorry, Padfoot.”

Lupin looked up at Sirius, and was surprised to see that his friend was smiling at him. His eyes full of warmth—eyes that Lupin remembered to vividly from before when they had all been at school together. Eyes that said he was forgiven.

“It’s good to see you again, Moony.” Black said in the same thin raspy whisper. Lupin realized that because of the muzzle, this was probably the first time Sirius had spoken in over a year. Lupin looked his friend over again, taking in his skeletal frame, the dark bruise on his face, the red marks on his wrists from where the chains had bit into his skin. Slowly, Remus reached for one of his hands and winced as Sirius flinched—probably out of instinct—back away from him. But thenSirius paused, and finished what Lupin started; he grabbed lupins hand and smiled.

Everything was going to be alright.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin attempts to help Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one kinda jumps around. It's a year later, right after the Triwizard Tournament.
> 
> 888

Lupin was ever more surprised when he heard a soft knock at the door one late Thursday evening. He had anxiously been waiting for any news about the Triwizard Tournament, any news that said Harry was okay. He had pretty much been left in the dark, his only source of information was from the Daily Prophet and he hardly believed a word Rita Skeeter was saying about Harry.

Just as he was about to open the door, an owl fluttered through his open window and dropped a letter at his feet. Lupin opened it quickly, daring to hope for an update.

“It has happened. Stand by for news. Snuffles is coming to you, I am sending him via portkey. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE UNTIL YOU GET NOTICE FROM ME.

Signed,

Albus”

Lupin looked up from the letter as the doorbell rang again. Snuffles is coming to you. Is that who he thought? Could it be? He hadn't seen Sirius since that night in the shrieking shack, after he had finally learned the truth about his friend. He quickly walked the remaining steps to his door and cracked it, leaving the security chain locked.

A thin man with dark shoulder length hair and a billowing black travelers coat stared at him with sunken eyes.

“Remus. Dumbledore sent me here.” he said in a horse whisper. Lupin nodded silently, closed the door and unlocked the chain, then opened it wider.

“Quickly, before anyone sees you.” he said, ushering Sirius in quickly.

Sirius stepped into his house, and Lupin winced when he saw how thin he was. He could practically see his ribs protruding from beneath his cloak.

“What’s happened? Is everything okay? Harry?” Lupin asked, closing the door again and re-locking the chain.

Sirius nodded his head, “Harry is okay—-he’s alive at least.” he answered in a voice so horse it sounded like a whisper. It gave the impression that he hadn't used it in a very long time.

“And what else? Anything? The Tournament?”

“He’s back, Remus. Harry saw him. Voldemort has come back.” Sirius replied, eyes dark in the shadow.  
Lupin nodded.

“We are to wait here until further instruction. That's why my letter said.” Lupin said, holding up the piece of parchment.

Sirius just nodded.

“Are you hungry? Where have you been this past year? How's Buckbeak? Did Dumbledore say anything else?” Lupin asked quickly, and then winced when Sirius flinched a little. Too many questions, let him get settled first. Lupin thought.

“Come on, I can show you around.” Lupin said swiftly, point to his small flat. Sirius nodded again. And Lupin realized that this would be the first time they would be truly alone together in more than 15 years. He was slightly shy of this new Sirius, whose once handsome features had turned ashy and dark in Azkaban.

They walked silently through the flat to Lupin’s spare room.

“The futon folds out into a bed. Sorry it’s such a mess, I use this room for storage.” Lupin said, quickly removing a box of parchment from the couch.

Sirius nodded silently, eyes looking around the room with interest. He walked over and touched the bed lightly with the tips of his fingers. Then he turned and smiled at Lupin, the dark veil drawn back for just a moment.

“This is wonderful. Thank you so much.” he said, truly grateful.

“You’re welcome. I can let you get settled, and then… are you hungry?” Lupin asked

Sirius shook his head, “I’m alright. I ate at Hogwarts.”

“Alright. I’ll be over in the living room if you need anything.”

Sirius nodded, and the blank stare returned again. He silently sat down on the couch, lost in his thoughts.

~*~

As the weeks went by, Lupin began to notice a few things about his friend, and realized just how much Azkaban had changed him. Sirius would often get lost in his thoughts—sometimes in the middle of a sentence—and Lupin would have to nudge him to continue. And even though he had kept some of his powers while in prison, he could barely do any magic. They couldn't risk going to Diagon Alley to get him a wand, so they shared Lupin's. Sirius would often get confused about the year and the day (for some reason it was always Saturday), but the worst part was about half the time he still thought James was alive. He would go on for hours about what he would do when he saw him next, or tell Lupin about how he met James in the Shrieking Shack and that they together revealed that Peter was still alive (half of that was true, but it had been Harry—not James). Lupin tried to keep his patience, but sometimes listening to Sirius was like listening to a broken record that played the same 30 second piece over and over again.

Lupin kept a detailed report about everything that happened, letting Dumbledore if there were any signs of improvement at all. Lupin hoped he would get better soon though, because he liked having his best friend back. And the moments when Sirius was lucid were really great. They would reminisce about Hogwarts, talk about crushes they used to have, the professors they hated the most, and about their wildest adventures as marauders. Sirius was still brilliant— when he was in the right state of mind— and was still very good at wizard chess.

“Remember that time we snicked into the kitchens, and James tried to steal Professor Slughorn’s birthday cake?” Sirius asked one morning, while they were drinking coffee.

Lupin smiled, “Oh yes. He tried to hide it under his cloak, but he was so preoccupied with keeping it hidden that he forgot to jump the trick step on the 7th floor.” Lupin finished, chuckling at the memory.

“Wormy and I tried for hours……..” Sirius suddenly trailed off, his body rigid, eyes turning vacant, like the curtains had closed.

“Sirius?” Lupin asked

“Sirius?” he asked again, louder. Sirius jumped a little, spilling his coffee into his lap.

“Oh. Sorry Moony. Anyway…. I twisted my broomstick and I hit that bludger right into Mcdonable’s face. It barely missed him but gave James the time he needed to nick the snitch right from under his nose.”

Lupin sighed, “Sorry, what? You were telling me about the time James got stuck—-.”

“In the trick step.” Sirius finished, he put his cup down and gave a sigh of frustration.

“I did it again, didn't I?”

Lupin just nodded.

“I'm sorry, Moony. I don't know why, or how…sometimes I just get so….lost. I'm sorry.” he said, then he smiled, “Hey, at least it’s Saturday, right? James and Lily are coming over for dinner.”

 

Lupin tried not to look or sound annoyed. He knew Sirius was still recovering from Azkaban, he knew he wasn't in the right state of mind, but did he have to say that every 20 minutes? He shook his head slowly.

“No. No Sirius, today is Thursday. They are not coming over for dinner.” he said slowly, look up at his friend.

Sirius stared at him for a full moment, and then his face crumpled, “Where did it all go wrong? It’s all my fault.” he whispered, his voice thin and brittle.

Lupin put down his coffee cup and leaned closed to Sirius, taking both of his hands in his.

“It is not your fault, Sirius. None of us knew what Wormtail was going to do. Not even Dumbledore. Please, Sirius. Don’t blame yourself. It’s going to be okay.” he comforted

Sirius looked up at him, and gave him a thin smile. “Thank you, for always be here. I'm sorry I'm like this. I just….I get confused sometimes.”

Lupin smiled, “Thirteen years of having your happiness sucked from you can do that. I completely understand.”

Sirius nodded, but didn't say anything.

 

Lupin sighed sadly and vaguely wondered when--and if--things would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8888
> 
> There's more on the way. Keep the reviews coming! Thanks!


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